If I were Leader of the Conservatives (which, of course, I should be) I would always bear in mind two overarching precautions/rules when it comes to policies.

Rule 1. nulab will appropriate any ideas that strike a chord with the public (eg Inheritance Tax reform,tax on non-domiciles) and because of Rule 2, the Conservatives will never get credit for those stolen ideas.

Rule 2. The beeb will make every possible effort to sabotage Conservative proposals and personnel on behalf of their comrades in nulab.

Given these 2 realities I think the Conservatives are very wise to play their cards close to their chest. I realise that andrew neil (the ginger dwarf) will keep asking "Where are the policies?" but he's just trying to operate under Rule 2 and can be ignored.

As long as policies are produced in time for the Manifesto that's all that matters.

I think I would also issue a directive to all personnel being interviewed (particularly on the beeb) to challenge the overt socialism of the interviewer.

No time for a novice Trade Commissioner

"Gordon Brown nominated Baroness Cathy Ashton to replace the now Lord Mandelson as Trade Commissioner. It is worth noting, at this point, that trade is 100% under the control of the EU – a situation to which I am totally opposed, because it works against our national interest – but that is how things stand.

A quick glance at Baroness Ashton's CV, therefore, did not give me any confidence that the right person had been put forward: a few years working for CND, and then for a couple of quangos, did not strike me as suitable qualifications. It was time to decide what to do.

Monday 20 October, and off to Strasbourg, with arguments organised: "At this critical time for global trade," I would say, "this is no time for a novice, and what we need is a big hitter."

I was not about to object to Baroness Ashton herself being the UK's next EU Commissioner, but wanted to point out the absurdity of her appointment to a role for which she is quite simply unqualified.

At the hearing I praised her political skills in getting the Lisbon Treaty through the Lords without a referendum – by pretending that it was not the EU constitution in disguise – and this was met with loud cheers from the rabid federalists all round me. Then I launched into the bit about novices and big hitters.

Baroness Ashton looked less than happy about being called "a novice" and countered by saying that she was a "good negotiator".

Throughout the entire three-hour hearing, no other member, apart from Syed Kamall, asked an even remotely searching question.

So now we have a new EU Trade Commissioner who is entirely the wrong person for the job – and I shan't be on her Christmas card list!"

perhaps she isn't famous enough!

I heard Nigel Farage on the radio and he almost legitamised the EU and the positions of its functionaries.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the M1 motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'

The man replies, 'Terrorists have kidnapped the government members. They're asking for a £300 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up an emergency collection.'

The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving?'.

The man replies, 'Well it’s not going too well because of the credit crunch and high duty , but most people have managed to give a litre or more.'